Never Have I Ever...

I oftentimes look back on the summer after my high school graduation as one of the best times of my life.

I practically lived with my BFF and we spent every day endlessly tanning, shopping, writing, and driving around trying to look “cool.” Going to band practices (the garage kind, not the geeky school uniform kind. No offense to any of you out there), eating our favorite lunch of corn dogs, 3D Doritos, and Cherry Coke and gossiping about who we liked that day.

Life was good.

We had lots of great friends whom we usually met up with every night. Each of us fueling the others’ maturation into bonafide raging alcoholism, splashing around in our friend’s parents’ pool, dancing to insanely loud music, and taken an innumerable amount of pictures.

But the one staple that seems to stand forefront in each and every one of those drunken nights is the drinking games. Yea, you know em. Those drunken games you find yourself being sucked into usually against your will. Those same games that are always accountable for a much more loud, loving, uninhibited you. Those same ones that nine times out of ten you regret the next day because they erased your entire recollection of the previous night and left you only with a brutal hangover.

Yea, those games. Don’t act like you don’t remember.

From “Down the River, Up the River” to “Fuck the Dealer” to “Quarters”, my favorite was always “Circle of Death” and for one reason only. The 10 card – i.e. the “Never Have I Ever” card.

Anytime it was flipped everyone would always groan but deep down you know you had a little smile on your face knowing that you were about to find out something truly heinous and black mail worthy from one of your inebriated com padres. In admitting something that you hadn’t personally ever done you were most likely throwing someone else under the bus for the amusement of everyone else. The Never Have I Ever card was the greatest.

I usually liked to start off with a “never have I ever” that would inevitably call out all the guys but for the sake of this blog I’ll keep it more PG.

So for today I’ll say: Never have I ever picked up a living animal weighing over a pound (this includes cats, dogs, rabbits, frogs, birds, turtles, you name it). And the only reason I say over a pound is because I did, on rare occasions, hold my (now deceased) pet dwarf hamster, Dopey. RIP. But even then, I didn’t do it without much coaching, coaxing, and even more trepidation.

To put it lightly, I have a massive phobia of actually holding animals. Even if they pose no harm or threat to me whatsoever. I know, I know. I’m effed in the head a little bit.

Now that I’ve gone and humiliated myself it's your turn. Never have I ever….?