Friday, May 8, 2009

On My Near Death Experience and How I Plan to Exploit It For the Next 6 Months to Gain Sympathy

While my life is no longer entrenched in religious ideology as it once was (my father was a minister for 7 years…is it any shock I turned out the way I did?) there are still moments when I am completely and thoroughly convinced of the existence of a higher power.

My guardian angel if you will.

Since I’m Tarantino-ing this shit and I already told you the end of the story (I almost died) let’s now rewind to the beginning.

So the big moving day comes. The movers (one of whom reeked of alcohol and then proceeded to “use our bathroom facilities” for an excess of 15 minutes to void god knows what out of her system) took their sweet ass time getting to the house, loading it all up, and basically doing their job. Needless to say the extended wait time prior to the drive made me all the more anxious and ready to get it over with.

The Boo and I had decided we would only drive 1/3 of the way that day, stopping in Jacksonville to rest at a hotel and meet my family for Mexican food and margaritas. (Plenty of motivation for me!) We get on the road with our cars stuffed to the brim and I prayed to God my little car would make it. (It’s been a bit temperamental in the past and seeing as my luck is how it is, I had a feeling the trip wouldn’t go entirely smoothly.)

About an hour into the trip I called the Boo. Riding along behind him the whole way, I informed him that my car was doing a “driving-over-a-bridge-shaky-type thing”. He checked my car and tires from his rear view mirror and all seemed normal. Sweaty palmed and increasingly panicked I braved ahead.

30 minutes later I called him again.

Me: (borderline hysterical) “Babe, something is really wrong. I’m shaking again and it’s getting worse. I think I can feel my cheeks moving like when you’re on a roller coaster or something”

Boo: (annoyed as this is probably the 18th phone call in 3 hours) “We’re almost there, sucker. Just ride it out for 20 more miles and we’ll be at the hotel and I can look at your car.”

Me: (close to tears) “Just get me to the fucking hotel!” CLICK

Fast forward to 5 minutes later…

I’m clocking 75 on the speedometer. My cheeks resemble that of a sky-diver, my heart is gripped in panic and the Boo is now a good ½ mile ahead of me.

Suddenly I feel my car shake uncontrollably, followed by a phulump, phulump, phulump-ing sound. My car fishtails off the road just feet past two massive barriers holding up the overpass.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck” is the only thing I seem to be able to utter as I careen my out of control car into a grassy median in the middle of a construction site off the highway.

I open my door, tears streaming down my face and what do I find??? THIS.


I called the Boo in complete and utter hysterics (almost to the point of unintelligibility) and tried to explain what happened. I saw the wires , smelled a burning smell and began running away from the car like a maniac convinced that all my worldly possessions and myself were about to be a flaming 15 second spot on the evening news.

“Chubby motorist burns alive in her crusty Volvo causing severe delays on I-10. Expect significant delays!”

One U-turn by the Boo, a few panicked, blubbering phone calls to my parents and I was alive. Scared and sweaty but alive nonetheless.

The two best men in my life of course came to my rescue. The Boo paid $80 for a tow truck and my Pops met us at the mechanics to pay $300 for new tires (huge hugs ya’ll) but I was still shaken up.

What really got me was when the greased up slightly toothless tow truck driver arrived on the scene and, upon surveying the damage, informed me that I was a “very lucky lady” as he said, if the tire would have blown any more I would have surely flipped the car.

Now that, my friends, is what I call a close one and precisely why I’m convinced that I’ve got someone watching out for me.

28 comments:

fabbrunette said...

Awww, I'm so glad you lived to tell the tale! (((HUGS))) I'm so glad you're alright, all car-related things scare me!!
http://fab.typepad.com/brunette

Amber said...

Omg, that is SO scary! Thank goodness it wasn't worse than that!!

Lil' Woman said...

Holy shit, I would have been hysterical if that happened to me too..thank goodness your ok.

I would def. be having the Boo kiss my ass for the next 6 month for not pulling over..lol. : )

I'm glad your ok tho, where would I come for sarcastic commentary if anything happened to you? lol.

Lil' Woman said...

Holy shit, I would have been hysterical if that happened to me too..thank goodness your ok.

I would def. be having the Boo kiss my ass for the next 6 month for not pulling over..lol. : )

I'm glad your ok tho, where would I come for sarcastic commentary if anything happened to you? lol.

Bluebelle said...

Wow, that's very scary stuff. Glad you're ok!

Miss Anne said...

"Jesus take the wheel" literally!

So glad you're ok.

Car shit freaks me out.

xoxo

Christina said...

Scary! That happened to me a couple of years ago, except I had my dog in the front seat and I hit the guardrail. We were all ok and the damage to the car was minor considering. It was the most awful feeling! I'm glad that you're OK!

Children of the Nineties said...

That picture is really scary! I was driving with a friend once and her whole tire blew off somehow, we were shaking violently and I was so scared...I can only imagine how it would be to be alone! Glad nothing bad happened!

jeanette said...

OMG I'm so glad you're alright! I am always petrified I'm going to crash on the highway... that would be the pits.

S. said...

how scary! i am so glad that you are okay. thta is one of my worst fears...thank goodness!

Jenn said...

wow - thats nuts. i'm glad you're ok!!! drive safely the rest of the way.

AprilMarie said...

At least you had the sense ahead of time that something wasn't right. Good thing you're alrite, and even better that your boo and Dad were right there. Imagine if your were alone? I'm terrified of things like that... I'm such a girl. Changing tires and anyting else that has to do with my car isn't my idea of a good time! Driving it is what I do best. =)

sha serene said...

oh wow! yeah you're really lucky!

Sunshinemeg said...

Okay, now moving is tough, but car trouble and near death experiences too?!?! Holy crap girl - get yourself a drink. A strong one at that.

The Novelista Barista said...

geeeeez too many things going on at once! i am so glad ur okay!!!! That tire looks BAD! I hope ur done moving... i agree with sunshinemeg,.,,, go get a drunk girlie.
xoxo

Barefoot Blogger said...

Holy shit! That's so scary... I'm glad that you're ok, and that your dad and boo were there to take care of you!

Shoshanah said...

Are all those strings pieces of your tire?

Thankfully, you made it out ok, and nothing worse happened.

Danielle said...

Yikes!!
I blew a tire on the highway when I was 16 or 17 and it scared the shit out of me! It's a terrible experience! While I waited for my dad to come, a friend drove by and stopped to help. He also informed me that I was "very lucky" and that usually blowing a tire that badly causes a driver to lose control and potentially flip.
Glad you are ok!!!

thatShortChick said...

i hope you had a HUGE VAT of something alcohol related afterwards because i wouldn't have been able to function properly for the rest of the drive.

i do not handle car-related issues well. so glad you came away from it Ok!

Stacie said...

Holy cow!!! I'm glad you're ok! How scary!

LiLu said...

"Mexican food and margaritas" will convince me to do almost anything... but that is terrifying! So glad you're okay, hon!

(And FYI, when I first saw the pic I thought the wires were the hair of an animal... so I spose it could have been worse... or at least, grosser.)

Krystal said...

that looks terrifying! glad you are safe :)

Mary said...

Next time you have doubts about the safety of your car, stop and have a look at it no matter what someone else says. And why were you going 75 mph with the car shaking? To keep up with Boo?

Shannon said...

Holy monkies - that is a really scary story. Thank God you're okay!!!

ewiggle said...

Holy guacamole! That's crazy!

PS How was the Mexican and margaritas? Now I have a craving for Mexican.

terminal101 said...

LOL! Glad you are still alive :O

amindinmotown said...

Jeeeez. I have never in my life seen that happen to a car. You are a lucky lady. Clearly you had a right to be scared. You should rub that point into your boyfriend's face, ha.

Leah said...

I am so glad to hear that you are okay!!! Always listen to that little voice inside....It knows more than we give it credit for. Love ya


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