A Cluster %$#@ of a Post

As promised yesterday, today’s post will have absolutely no reference to the big Election last night.

(Not that I have anything against it or the outcome or whatever. On that I’m still not sure how I feel. But simply because I think it’d be a bit redundant and well, boring to just reiterate what everyone else and their mothers are already talking about.)

Well, I guess that explanation kind of negates the whole “I won’t talk about the Election” thing but oh well. I lied.

Let’s talk movies. I love them and my extensive DVD collection is more than evidence of that obsessive, impulsive side. But it seems like lately I’ve strayed from my typical movie savvy self, forgoing them in order to do more “responsible” and “important” things. Like searching for a job and haggling with creditors.

No bueno.

So a few days ago I figured I needed a break and gave myself a movie day with the Boo.

Our first film of choice (let me be clear, mine not his) was Fools Gold.



(Let me also clarify that we only watched this because I am a huge procrastinator and constantly seem to forget that stupid Netflix account I signed up for years ago. Yea, you know the same one whose queue I set up, oh, a year ago. And the same one who sends movies that sit on the coffee table for 3 or 4 months before they’re even opened much less watched. Yea, I like to spend $20 each month that I don’t have on movies I won’t watch and furthermore, won’t like. I’m smart.)

So anyways, back to the cinematic masterpiece that was Fools Gold. Er, um, not quite.

This was probably one of the cheapest, most poorly made, pathetic embarrassments of a movie I’ve seen in quite awhile. And it was especially disappointing because my basis for initially requesting it was because of the only other movie I knew the two main characters (Matthew McConaughey and Kate Hudson) to have been in together. Hello? How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days is one of the greatest films of all time. I was expecting nothing less.

I was greatly disappointed.

I should have been tipped off when the vast majority of the film’s musical score was comprised of cheesy, cliché Caribbean music reminiscent of a once favorite movie of mine growing up.

The Adventures of Mary-Kate and Ashley: Mystery on the High Seas, anyone?

Yea, it was that bad. (And please, don’t cast judgment on my lack of cinematic taste back in the day. I thought I was going to grow up to be a detective and saw this as accurate reference media for my future field.)

But regardless, think back to every Family Matters, Full House, Step by Step vacation special when they went on location to some cheesy tropical family resort and everything seemed weird and distorted since our favorite fictional characters were now removed from the confines of their cardboard world. (But yet, still somehow managed to transport the entire studio audience along with them to gasp and howl at all the opportune moments. Yea, I never got that.)

Those nauseatingly tacky Calypso segues between scenes seemed to impregnate the ENTIRE MOVIE. It was highly obnoxious and almost unbearable.

Big thumbs down.

Round two. The Bucket List.

Not awful, not great, relatively predictable.

I still sobbed like a baby at the end. Who’s predictable now?

Ok, so I guess that about does it for the movies. As you can tell I was a little fed up with the disappointments by this point. So as I found myself weepy, moody and patience quickly depreciating, I turned to TV.

Duh?

BTW: Can I just state the obvious here? DVR is probably the greatest invention of our time. It comes in really handy when the Boo insists on watching gang shows and movies about killing when I should be seeing the newest episodes of The Hills or America’s Next Top Model. Yes, we have more than one TV but I like to watch them on the big one. And recording them enables me to force him to watch them with me so it’s win/win.

Anywho…

Is anyone else completely obsessed with Bravo’s new hit The Real Housewives of Atlanta?? Because I totally am. I couldn’t much get into The Orange County crew but these Atlanta hoes are crazy, yo. See what I mean? (And I totally agree with BWE in that the last part of this clip will inevitably haunt you for the rest of the day.)

And let me just say that while I used to be on Team NeNe, I’ve recently switched to Team Sheree. NeNe’s raging alcoholism coupled with her annoying need for constant attention and lack of loyalty to her unwittingly devoted token white friend put me off. I think I’ve even adopted Sheree’s advice to Kim as my new mantra (have you noticed I get a new one every week?)

“Let your haters be your motivators!”

Don’t be hatin ya’ll.

Moving on…

The Hills was pretty interesting and for those of you who missed it, here’s a quick recap:

Heidi gets hammered and loses her job.

Spence is still a douche.

Audrina moves out.

Justin Bobby retains his satanic control over Audrina’s mind.

Lauren loses yet another friend.

Blah,blah, blah. Fake reality is the best reality.

P.S. What the EFF does Audrina do to buy a house that nice and that huge?? I wanna work her corner.

Oh, and for those of you who were wondering. Yes, I finished Twilight in like 8.2 seconds (read: a day and a half). Yes, I developed a ridiculously adolescent crush on Edward. But what’s even better is that I think the Boo may be a bit jealous of him. (I think that makes him even weirder than me.)

I NEED the second book. I’m dying of Edward and Bella withdrawals.

What are you kids watching/reading these days??