Monday, January 19, 2009

The Art of Co-Habitation

A fellow blogger posted some exciting news today. She announced that she’ll be moving in with her boyfriend (and subsequently, moving OUT for the first time ever) in a few weeks.

Naturally I gave my congratulations (Congrats Court!!) but then I got to thinking. Thinking back on the first time I moved out of my parent’s house (and in with my ex…which I suppose we’ll refer to as The Big Ex since I was with him longer than any of the others…so far. The Boo and I plan on demolishing that record very soon. Right, sucker? Love you kiss kiss.)

But in looking back I realize that things are dramatically different this go round then they were the first. That is to say, living with the Boo is nothing like living with the Big Ex.

Part of it was our age and immaturity. The Big Ex was 20 and I was 19 when we first moved in together. Of course we had convinced ourselves that it would work. We had already been together over 2 years at that point (and in teen years that’s like FOREVER) and despite our parents’ voicing their opinion that we should do otherwise, we forged ahead nonetheless and got ourselves our very first place together. And our last.

Within 7 months I had moved out and we were done. I can’t say what exactly it was other than it just wasn’t right. Living together in such close proximity didn’t bode well for our union (despite the fact that we were “together all the time anyways” [Yes, I know now. Not the same thing. SOOOO NOT the same thing.])

The first few months went smoothly enough I suppose but that quickly dissolved and found us fighting about everything. And I do mean EVERYTHING. It wasn’t pretty, people. Tears abounded, eye rolls and slammed doors were around every corner and annoyances and petty fights greeted us with just about each day. So much to the point that one rainy Saturday night I found myself hopelessly staring out the car window and whispering “I’m done.”

And that was it. From then on I SWORE I would never live with someone until we were engaged. It wasn’t worth it. Too much stress, strain and unnecessary problems. NOT. GONNA. HAPPEN.

And then the Boo happened.

Within 8 months of knowing him and 3 months of being together I packed up all my worldly treasures (ie. my laptop, a couple books and my Kelly Clarkson cds) and moved AWAY from everyone and everything I knew to move IN with him.

And here I am, 6 months later and I must say that this time around it is completely different. Maybe it’s our older wiser years (ha), maybe it’s experience and maturity, or maybe we’re just better together. I’d say it’s probably all of the above.

Living with the Boo has taught me that co-habiting with your spouse can truly be an amazing journey if you find the right person and if you both operate under a code of mutual respect. It is a constant exercise in patience, understanding, and consideration and when you find just that right balance you know you’ve got something good.

That isn’t to say that we don’t annoy each other every now and then. I could care for a little less prison documentaries and I’m sure he would love it if I’d tone down the crazy from time to time but that’s who we are. And we’ve learned how to compliment each other’s weaknesses rather than criticize them.

I know I can be a bit of a handful (I’m a fan of the understatement) but the fact that he can take it all in stride ON A DAILY BASIS really says something.

Then again maybe the Boo and I should rehash that old oath I had about not living with anyone until I had a ring. (What? I’m getting’ that Tacori somehow.)

(Did I mention I was a tad on the crazy?)


Kelly Marie said...

I will definitely try channeling my inner diva more often!

I lived with he-who-must-not-be-named when I had a psycho roomie in college. I mean psycho. I think it is really important to know if you can live with someone 24/7...and put up with their quirks (read: if they can put up with my quirks). As much as I was in love wasn't. ha-ha

Go get that Tacori!

Emily said...

Kelly - Wise, wise words. Ahh the torture (and disillusion) of young love.

insomniaclolita said...

Wow yeah seems like everything is better when you're more mature and ready and everything. I don't think I can ever do that though, moving in with a boyfriend unless im married to going to get annoyed all the time, maybe its just me. But I'm happy for you.

Becca the Brit! said...

I couldn't agree with more. I love living with my boyfriend - we have so much fun, my husband and I fought like cat and dog!!!

Miss Anne said...

I believe Britney said it best "I got your crazy"'... ;)

love YOUR sweet little bloggity blog!

TY for the sweet comment and for becoming my newest follower...

Amen on getting those K.Clarkson cd's... i'm sure they were right next to your Bible.. naturally.


Miss Anne said...

p.s. congrats on your successful co-habiting!


Courtney said...

Emily I love you.

Haha but thank you, and seriously you rock. :) I sure hope B and I can co-habitat, but hey if all goes to hell at least it will be interesting to blog about!

Jay said...

I'm sure he'd be OK with you burning those Kelly Clarkson CD's in lieu of turning down the crazy.

Emily said...

Insomniac Lolita - i agree. and considering that the maturation of most men is like 5 years behind women, i was essentially dating a 15 year old when i was with the big ex. disturbing i know!

Becca - i heard that! i was definitely the "cat" in the last co-habiting experiment. scratching is my secret weapon! watch out!!

Miss Anne - you are too sweet and guess what?? i love YOUR lil blog. and by 'Bible' i'm assuming your referring to my stack of Cosmo magazines, right?

Courtney - i love you too girl. i'm sure u and b will work out much better than me and my ex did. as long as you've got a little patience you should be fine. did i say a little? i meant a shit load!! good luck!!!!!

Jay - GASP!!!! no you didn't!! did you just blaspheme my kelly?? i'm prety sure that's sacreligous soooo have fun in hell. jk. sorta.

Anonymous said...

I guess it's hard to live with someone,anyone really- I lived away from home and it's tough but I think once you're mature and living with the right person- it's all good.

andrea.leigh said...

I found you via 20sb and I must say - I love this post! it sounds like a similar thing I went through .... moving in with a fiance (although that had disaster written all over it anyway) and then it dissolved, but I moved in with Boyfriend after 6 months and it's wonderful.

anyway, I'm off to check out some more of your blog. at least I didn't find you via creepy Googled phrases, right? ;)


Emily said...

hfm - yea, living with ANYONE poses it's problems but every now and then you click with the right person and you actually care enough to make it work and keep the peace. know what i mean?

Andrea - so glad you liked the post. i figured it was something a lot of people could relate to. funny how different people behave in completely unique ways to the same situation. and thank you for not googling anything predator like to get here. glad to have ya!! :]

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