What Defines You?

Listening to Kelly Clarkson’s newest single My Life Would Suck Without You on repeat over the last week has forced me to ponder a few introspective questions. If you’ve heard the song than you should get where I’m coming from and if not, stop everything you’re doing right now and go listen to it here. No really. Stop. Click. Listen. Then return. I’ll wait.

. . .

You’re welcome.

Now as I was saying, no one would ever question my undying love and adoration for Miss American Idol herself, however the lyrics of this song seem to beg a major question.

How much of ourselves are defined by the person we’re with?

This song implies that our self-worth is in direct correlation to who we are with. Proportionally, if you find yourself without someone does that mean you are worthless, nothing, or inconsequential?

Carrie Bradshaw would be appalled.

Lines such as “I’m nothing without you” seen here and in countless other pop/country/emo tortured love songs, give the impression that our lives are meaningless without someone else in it. That until we find that one elusive soul mate our lives will forever drone on in a fog of worthlessness and monotony. That it is up to someone else to make us complete.

What the eff is that about?

I get that it’s overdramatized for the song. I get that Ms. Clarkson likely didn’t even write it. And I get that most of us don’t take the message literally. However, I can’t help but think that this ideology reverberates with some of us from time to time. Particularly when we’re in between relationships. Beaten down, heart-broken and alone. It’s easy to feel like you’re life really does “suck”.

But I think the important thing here is to remember that while love and happiness are inextricably linked, that LOVE doesn’t necessarily have to come from a significant other. First and foremost it should come FROM yourself TO yourself. You must learn how to love you and who you are as an individual before anyone else can successfully love you as well.

Who you are as a person is NOT defined by the man you come home to every night or the woman on your arm. No more so than you are defined by the clothes you wear or the car you drive. Strip it all away and what you’re left with, raw and naked and vulnerable, that’s you. And that’s enough.

You are someone. You are significant. And most importantly you are complete.

Adding a boyfriend or girlfriend to the equation admittedly may enhance or compliment who you are but it does not solidify you’re existence. And being head over heels in love with yourself (in a non-narcissistic ego-maniacal sort of way) with confidence radiating from your pores, it’s highly likely you’ll have plenty of plus ones to choose from should you wish.

My point is: YOU are important with or without someone else. And don’t let anyone else (even Doll face Clarkson) tell you any different.

Now excuse me, I’m going to go drive around the city blasting this song with the windows down and singing these incredibly misguided and delusional lyrics at the top of my lungs. What? I never said it wasn’t catchy.