Some of You Belong on "To Catch a Predator"...Seriously

Over the last few days I’ve noticed my blog traffic increase somewhat and even made some new bloggy friends because of it. (Hey ya’ll. Welcome to my digs. Take your shoes off and make yourself at home. Meanwhile I’ll just be by the door stealing fancy once used Manolo Blahniks a la Carrie Bradshaw’s shitty mom friend. Don’t mind me.)

In noticing the traffic I couldn’t help but note some of the ways in which people have stumbled across my blog. Slightly disturbing.

(And anyone who doesn’t have Stat Tracker or Google Analytics, well you’re dumb. JK. But really, get with the program already. You can totally catch all the creepy lurkers and give yourself false confidence when your counter climbs to more than 2 hits a day. I mean, not that I would know but…)

Here are a few of my favorites from the past few days.

“freaky atlanta hoes”: Oh yeah, I too love those crazy broads. However, something tells me that whoever Googled that little gem wasn’t exactly thrilled when I led them here.

“Why is Cosmo the Bible?”: Because I said so. Duh. That must have been a man. Or a very, very naïve and misinformed woman. Either way, shame on you.

“Badass Mother in law C word”: I’m still ashamed of this.

“tea bag scrotums in face”: Still pissed about this. And a little concerned. Why would anyone want to research MULTIPLE scrots in or around the face? Sickos.

“Aubrey O’Day sexy slutty oufit up skirt”: Some dude with a flaccid penis clenched tightly in his fist was probably really pissed at me when he clicked this link. Whoops.

“where is pissy in the Bible?": I don’t know and I don’t care. Why do you? Get a life.

And my personal favorite:

“weeping ass adventures part 2”: Ummm, can you explain to me what exactly this entails? I mean I know I cry a lot but I really don’t think I’m up for whatever this is. And why is there more than one? Was the original so compelling it begged a sequel or is this reader just anxious for a future release? (Maybe ‘release’ wasn’t the greatest choice of words. Or maybe it was. Ba-da-bap. I’ll be here all week, folks!!)

Needless to say, I’m really starting to question the moral compasses of my new readers. Yet, somehow I’m linked to all of this? Well that’s just a little shameful…and hilarious.