I am Not

Unless you’ve been pulling an Osama and living under a rock for the last month then you’ve undoubtedly noticed the overwhelming onslaught of “25 things about me” lists that have been circulating Facebook and blogs alike.

(Yea, those obnoxious “notes” you only bothered to read the first 8 times you saw them until you were all like “What the f? Not this again!!)

Yea, I’m doing one. But you can blame some of my fellow lovelies, AJ and Kelly Marie, for tagging me and thus subjecting you to what’s about to transpire.

So in an effort to make things a little more interesting, I figured I’d change it up a bit and do 26 things that I’m not. Sound awesome? Too bad. It’s all I got.

1. I am not a gracious loser.
2. (I’m more of the girl who will violently throw the Monopoly board across the room if I sense defeat approaching.)

3. I am not very tactful.
4. (I’m more the person that garners the horrified looks at the dinner table when I blurt out something completely inappropriate and offensive. I don’t think I’ll ever learn to think before I speak.)

5. I am not a phone person.
6. (I’m more the girl who will e-mail, text, or snail mail you before I pick up the phone. And even then, I’ll silently pray for the answering machine so I can get out of it.)

7. I’m not skinny.
8. (I’m one of those people that you would hear referred to as “curvy” or “thick” simply for the sake of sparing my feelings when really they’re thinking something more like “plump” or “morbidly obese.” Take your pick.)

9. I am not a morning person.
10. (I’m more of the stay up till 4 sleep in till 11 and still be grumpy kinda girl. But if you make me breakfast I may go easy on you. Maybe.)

11. I am not a fighter.
12. (I’m more of a lover. Ok, wait I take that back. I’m totally a fighter. This usually goes hand in hand with numbers 3 and 4.)

13. I am not a genius (despite the self-proclamations to the contrary.)
14. (I’m more the kinda girl who will rewind the DVR when the Boo leaves the room during Jeopardy so when he comes back he thinks I really know all the answers but really I just watched them when he was away. I’m smooth like that.)

15. I’m not a very confident person.
16. (I’m more the kind of person that will fish like a deep sea pro for compliments and still not believe them even when I hear it.)

17. I’m not very thick-skinned.
18. (I’m more likely to cry at the drop of a hat sporadically and periodically throughout the course of the day.)

19. I am not that fond of animals.
20. (I am more the girl that has always harbored a raging fear of dogs and all things furry and will do just about anything in my power to stay away from them lest I should resort to number 18.)

21. I am not a shitty friend.
22. (I’m more the kind of girl who will stay up late at night with you, a case of beer, a pack of cigarettes and a bunch of Alanis Morisette songs after your boyfriend has screwed you over yet again but I’ll never complain.)

23. I am not a rich girl.
24. (I’m more learning to get by on the necessities so in the rare instance when I can afford something nice, I know how to appreciate it.)

25. I’m not perfect.
26. (I’m more of the flawed and slightly fucked up kinda girls. And I’m learning to be okay with that.)

What are you NOT?