Monday, February 2, 2009

The One Where I Tell You I Hoovered It Up This Weekend...

That’s right. I effing sucked hard and I’m here to tell you all about it.

I’m not really sure if there’s any justification for it other than the Super Bowl being in town and my seeming lack of any form of will power. (That and the miraculous gravitational pull of any and all things highly caloric to my gaping gorge. Sexy image there, huh?) Yea, for some reason I told myself that the Cardinals or Steelers might be down one outside linebacker for the big game and in such an instance I must be ready to step in at a moment’s notice.

They can thank me later.

I’ll just go ahead and save myself the embarrassment of trying to prolong this any further. I was clearly out of control this weekend.


-Ran on Monday longer and faster ("that's what she said") than I ever have in an attempt to channel Rocky and show off like a bad ass. (Incidentally, this may or may not have resulted in the pulling of several muscles in my quads, a severe case of the shin splints, and an inexplicable grinding in my hip flexors for the next several days thus effectively negating any real work I accomplished and placing me on injured reserve from the park for the rest of the week. How embarrassing.)

-Did my Core Secrets workouts on Tuesday and Thursday. Felt slightly moronic as the Boo insisted on watching but felt better after.

-Walked in the park on Wednesday and then, as if walking wasn’t pussy enough, I gave up after 1 lap. (God, I suck.)

-Did my Fitness magazine 10 pounds in 30 days workout. Felt. Like. Death. After.

-Abstained from ALL alcohol Sunday through Thursday.

-Drank tons of water and green tea throughout most of the week and made my own healthy meals at home, well…until Friday.


-No vitamins. Once again. I don't know who I think I'm kidding by saying I’m ever going to take them cause clearly I have no resolve to actually do it.

-Fell off the wagon big time on Friday and drank like a recovering alcoholic after 30 days sobriety. Pinot noir, Sake, Shock Top, Heineken, Mich Ultra, Coors (not even the lite. How redneck of me.), MGD 64 (umm…did I really think that drinking a beer with only 64 calories would help my case at this point? Not when you drink 8 of them, sweetheart. I suck again.) Oh yeah, and can’t forget the Jameson’s.

-Smoked 2 cigarettes. (Commence the throwing of stones.)

-And then there was the Krystal Chiks and fries at 3 am, the heaping plate of homemade bbq with potato salad and baked beans at the tailgate party, filet mignon at the Japanese steak house with fried rice, lo mein, vegetables, soup, salad.

-Oh and we haven’t even GOTTEN to Super Bowl Sunday yet. Let’s see there was mini pigs in a blanket, 7 layer dip (that was more like 14 layer dip…I kid you not), chips and queso, salami, pepperoni and cheese plate. I think I need a gastric bypass now.

-Have you gotten the point that I was a total fat ass this week?

-Ok, so I can stop with the bullet points now? Great.

My, my. That infallible amount of restraint and dedication I showed this weekend is downright inspiring, nay?

I don’t think it takes a rocket scientist to know that I probably didn’t do so great on the weight-loss front this weekend. So being the sore loser that I am I simply refused to weigh myself. (Oh c’mon, I think we can all guess what it would have said.)

Moral of the story, telling yourself that the Super Bowl taking place in your city gives you the right to eat incessantly for the duration of the festivities is a grossly misguided and delusional way of thinking.

And you would think I would have learned from all of this, yet the only thing I keep thinking about is “what are we gonna do with all those leftovers?” My parents didn’t raise me to be wasteful

How did you guys do this week? Make me feel better and tell me you caved a little too? Talk me back from the ledge (and by ‘ledge’ I mean queso.)

I need an intervention.


Mary Elizabeth said...

I love your blog. The Office reference was great, lol. I ate a bisquit with jelly and a half of a bag of chocolate chips and then ran. Wow, my priorities are screwed =).

Wendy said...

telling yourself that the Super Bowl taking place in your city gives you the right to eat incessantly for the duration of the festivities is a grossly misguided and delusional way of thinking.

What! That is not true!


Jessica said...

I was pretty much the same as you this weekend. I did ok last week but definately cancelled out all the water I drank and any activity that I did!

Jacqueline said...

You're too funny! I wait until I get home from work to read your posts b/c I always end up laughing out loud and then look like an idiot laughing at my computer screen.

Anyway, I still think you're doing great. If it makes you feel any better, I spent exactly 0 minutes exercising this week, so you're at least doing better than I am.

I'm impressed with the amount of alcohol you put away this weekend. If I had 8 beers I would be on the floor.

Erin said...

Aww, two steps forward, eh? I hate that feeling. I'm sure it's not as bad as you think! Hell, you might've lost weight by some fluke and you don't know it!

But if that were the case, then it might encourage more Jameson and 14 layer nevermind :)

Sounds like you had fun though, and that's what life is about!

Bird* said...

all you need to know:

1. little debbie snacks (2 to be exact)
2. doritos dipped in fritos (wanna-be) cheese sauce (!!!)
3. banana cream chocolate pie
4. wendy's (insert gag)

that's all.

karenwithak said...

This post made me laugh a lot. I'm really trying to get with the program myself. Yesterday was a total fail. That's what I love/hate about sports, so much good/BAD food!

Ash said...

That is amazing! I seriously started laughing with the drink list. I also promised myself this Saturday that I was never drinking so much ever again because I felt so awful but since I had promised myself the same thing the week before I feel like it is just not going to happen.

What vitamins are you taking? I find the flinstones to be the easiest to remember since they are chewable.

Socially Conscious Darling said...

i think many of us do this. i do. i can't help myself. especially when there is a special occasion, like the superbowl, lol.

Emily said...

mary elizabeth - so glad someone caught that :]

wendy - i know right. but that's not to say i won't adopt that same mantra come valentines day or my birthday or 4th of july...or any other holiday or special occasion for that matter.

jessica - good to know that i wasn't the only one slippin.

jacqueline - yay!! i'm glad i can provide some form of entertainment for you. and trust me, usually i would be on my after 8 beers too but i swear to you, these things had no alcohol in them!! must be how they're only 64 cals. bullshit.

erin - agreed. and damnit, why did you have to correct yourself about the weight loss. i so would have blindly walked into that justifying my atrocious eating habits by that one comment alone. thanks alot. lol

bird - hell yes!! you were on team fat ass with me this week! score!!!

karenwithak - i know. why does it all have to taste so damn good?? why can't football food just be green tea and heads of lettuce so we don't feel so disgusting the next day? then again, i highly doubt i'd be as in to the sport if that were the case. haha

ash - what vitamins am i supposed to be taking, you mean?? well there's a plethora of them but only 1 is chewable and that's my calcium pills. ironically, those are the only ones i can succesfully manage to take on a semi-regular basis. i think i'm just a 23 year old kid.

socially conscious darling - good to know i'm not alone in my binge eating!! :]

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