1. Set off on a low key Sunday lunch at the beach of crab legs and Blue Moon with the man friend.
2. Decide that one pitcher of beer is simply not enough. Must order a second.
3. Polish it off like your mouth is the Mojave and the sweet orange nectar of the gods is the only cure.
4. Drive to International Mall to pick up some more Proactiv. On the way past the restaurants and bars leading to the entrance, suddenly decide you need to pee or your bladder will burst. Give man friend license to go on without you.
5. Become distracted on the way out of the 36+ draft offerings at the bar you conveniently picked to relieve yourself. Cozy up to the bar (alone) and order just one drink. You are waiting after all.
6. Call the Boo and tell him to hurry up and meet you back for just one more drink.
7. Decide you have all the money in the world (which you don’t) and continue to order more $10 mojitos and $8 blueberry beer.
8. Drink yourself into a coma, text randomly and drunkenly just to alert more people that you once again are exhibiting signs you should be on the next Intervention.
9. Mumble incoherently all the way home. Black out. Wake back up and begin seizure-like dancing hysterically to Christina Aguilera.
10. Immediately upon returning home and drifting in and out of states of consciousness suddenly decide that you are STARVING for the exquisite cuisine that is Checkers.
11. Leave house unannounced without the phone that you’ve now lost to meander your way to the nearest breeding ground of grease and bacteria (aforementioned Checkers).
12. Somehow make it home. Eat food. Begin crying for unknown reasons. Stumble (again) out of the house and around the surrounding hood bemoaning your plight and still crying.
13. Make it back home. Leave multiple asinine, violent, and expletive filled status updates on your Facebook in an attempt to look hard. Somehow realize this is not the best idea. Delete all 8 of them.
14. Cry some more. Strip off jeans and resign to sleeping on the couch.
15. Wake up. Void all intestines through a deathly retching into the porcelain god.
16. Crawl into bed. Black out.
17. Wake up to a raging headache, terrifying panic attack, flaming eyes from several irrational crying drags. Feel like poop in a can.
18. Vow to never drink again….at least not for a few days.
How was your weekend?