Vanilla Chai and Rebellious Ovens

I figured in light of yesterday’s deep and reflective, dare I say, profound post (like how I flatter myself?) it was time to lighten it up a bit. There’s a lot to cover and it will probably translate as a convoluted mess of nothing in any way relevant but who cares because no one reads this. (Like how I suddenly revert to self-deprecation and a teetering-on-the-brink-of-slitting-my-wrists-kind-of-self-image in the attempts to gain sympathy from you, my unsuspecting and now annoyed reader?)

It’s ok cause that’s how I roll. (Like how I use completely irrelevant and urban slang that comes across awkwardly and that I could so obviously never get away with in real life?)

Well whatever, yo! (Like how I do it again just to piss you off? Yea, I’m badass).

So anywhooooo. I had a very interesting conversation with the Boo two days ago. First, let me preface this story by saying this. The Boo is a man’s man in every sense of the word. He is big and strong and likes his beer and football. He hates America’s Next Top Model and The Hills and all the other girly reality “crap” (as he calls it) that I absolutely adore. He’s all tatted up (which I LOVE) and yet, still loves his mom very much. He likes to watch movies about killing and is in every way the “protector” (which I find pretty much adorable). I could go on but I think you get the point.

Now subsequently, Boo can change it up every now and then and throw some people off. Like those who just met him would probably never guess that he is an excellent cook (5-star quality in my opinion. I think he should go on Top Chef. That would be cool.) He also wears a mask to sleep in every night (I know. Adorable.) And, not that he would ever admit it to anyone (and he will probably KILL me for saying it here) but he kinda, sorta (READ: definitely) likes the movie P.S. I Love You.

So keeping all this mind, I was still a little surprised when the Boo came into the living room before his shower, shirt off and a very impressed look on his face. Our conversation went something like this:

Boo: You’re Secret deodorant works better than mine.

Me: (halfway listening but mostly paying attention to the TV. Obviously.) Huh?

Boo: You’re deodorant works better than mine. The Vanilla one.

Me: (turning my full attention to him now. Realizing the possible hilarity of what’s about to ensue) What? You used it?

Boo: Yea I was out so I used yours and it worked better than mine. Usually by the time I get in the shower after walking around all day and sweating, I smell. But not today. (Sniffing his armpits for emphasis)

Me: (Laughing now at the prospect of a 6’5” grown man parading around all day with Secret Vanilla Chai deodorant on and loving it.) Let me smell. (Sticking my nose in his pit. [Yea, we’re close. Be jealous.] Then, in amazement.) Wow. It smells like Vanilla.

Boo: (Nodding proudly) I know.

Me: (With a hint of a smirk) Well, you can have it. I don’t use that one anymore.

Boo: Well I will till I get something else. I just usually smell so bad after walking around campus all day and sweating…

Me: (Trying not to laugh now) Yea. Maybe you should use it on your balls.

Boo: (GASP!! Storm/Sulk off to the bathroom leaving me to laugh hysterically in the living room.)

Approximately 7 minutes later…..The Boo emerges from the bathroom dressed again.

Boo: I did it.

Me: You did what?

Boo: I put a strip of it behind my sack.

Me: (Laughing) You put Women’s Vanilla Chai Deodorant on your sack??

Boo: (Nodding) Yea. You told me to!

Me: (Uncontrollable laughter amidst gasps of air and tears streaming down my face)

So yea, that was pretty much the funniest conversation ever. And just one among many that pervades our day to day life. What? We like to keep it interesting.

Boo will definitely be giving me silent treatment for this. Haha Hopefully I can talk my way out of it cause it was just too good not to post.

Moving on.

Oh how ironic life is. The Boo and I went a straight month (almost) of going to the grocery store every single day after work just to pick up dinner for that night. Let me tell you. That ish got expensive!! (But we’re lazy procrastinators so what do you expect?)

So finally, Tuesday we worked up the energy to go full blown grocery shopping. With an actual cart and everything. $130 later we were super stoked and beyond impressed with how grown up and responsible we were being to finally have enough foresight to shop for more than 24 hours from now.

So we get home all excited. Ready to cook up a feast and what do you know, our freaking oven stops working. Holy hell this sucks balls. Boo tried to fix it and I just pouted (Clearly I’m a big help.) I got all dramatic like I always do and lamented our fate. All of those groceries were now going to go bad because of our stupid, stupid oven. (Yes, that’s a direct quote.)

Two days later. The stove is fixed and all is well. I just wanted to point out that God must think he’s funny or something. Subjecting me to such despair in vain. I guess that’s his way of saying “Don’t wait so long next time you lazy slugs.” (And yes, I recognize that that’s slightly juvenile sounding but people, it’s God after all. Have some freakin respect.)

Ok well that’s all for now. I had more to blab about but my fingers hurt and I am at work after all. Maybe I should actually try and get something accomplished….

Who am I kidding? Not you? Well at least we’re on the same page. (Like how I still haven’t forgotten how much this annoys you? Yea. I’ll be back.)