Holy S*@&

In 5 days, the Boo and I will be living in Charlotte.

5. FIVE!!!!

Less than a week.

Holy shit that came fast!!

So because of that our remaining days here will be consumed with packing boxes, labeling boxes, unpacking boxes (realizing that we packed shit we still need), going to usps to change our addresses, turning on our electric, setting up our cable and internet, having transcripts transferred, vet records copied and transferred, cars cleaned and repaired, survival kits packed, hotels in jacksonville and hilton head island reserved, having doctor's records transferred, final meeting with movers, cleaning the old apartment, loads and loads of laundry, returning books to the library and movies to Blockbuster, reviewing for the Boo's finals and trying to keep our minds amidst all the chaos!

(I'm exhausted just looking at that.)

Being the responsible adults we are the Boo and I have rolled up our sleeves and are prepared to tackle these remaining days with full force.

But for now? We're gonna go eat some crab legs, sip some brews and watch the Draft. Because clearly we know how to prioritize.

Clearly.

The One Where I Tell You I Hoovered It Up This Weekend...

That’s right. I effing sucked hard and I’m here to tell you all about it.

I’m not really sure if there’s any justification for it other than the Super Bowl being in town and my seeming lack of any form of will power. (That and the miraculous gravitational pull of any and all things highly caloric to my gaping gorge. Sexy image there, huh?) Yea, for some reason I told myself that the Cardinals or Steelers might be down one outside linebacker for the big game and in such an instance I must be ready to step in at a moment’s notice.

They can thank me later.

I’ll just go ahead and save myself the embarrassment of trying to prolong this any further. I was clearly out of control this weekend.

YAY:

-Ran on Monday longer and faster ("that's what she said") than I ever have in an attempt to channel Rocky and show off like a bad ass. (Incidentally, this may or may not have resulted in the pulling of several muscles in my quads, a severe case of the shin splints, and an inexplicable grinding in my hip flexors for the next several days thus effectively negating any real work I accomplished and placing me on injured reserve from the park for the rest of the week. How embarrassing.)

-Did my Core Secrets workouts on Tuesday and Thursday. Felt slightly moronic as the Boo insisted on watching but felt better after.

-Walked in the park on Wednesday and then, as if walking wasn’t pussy enough, I gave up after 1 lap. (God, I suck.)

-Did my Fitness magazine 10 pounds in 30 days workout. Felt. Like. Death. After.

-Abstained from ALL alcohol Sunday through Thursday.

-Drank tons of water and green tea throughout most of the week and made my own healthy meals at home, well…until Friday.

FAIL:

-No vitamins. Once again. I don't know who I think I'm kidding by saying I’m ever going to take them cause clearly I have no resolve to actually do it.

-Fell off the wagon big time on Friday and drank like a recovering alcoholic after 30 days sobriety. Pinot noir, Sake, Shock Top, Heineken, Mich Ultra, Coors (not even the lite. How redneck of me.), MGD 64 (umm…did I really think that drinking a beer with only 64 calories would help my case at this point? Not when you drink 8 of them, sweetheart. I suck again.) Oh yeah, and can’t forget the Jameson’s.

-Smoked 2 cigarettes. (Commence the throwing of stones.)

-And then there was the Krystal Chiks and fries at 3 am, the heaping plate of homemade bbq with potato salad and baked beans at the tailgate party, filet mignon at the Japanese steak house with fried rice, lo mein, vegetables, soup, salad.

-Oh and we haven’t even GOTTEN to Super Bowl Sunday yet. Let’s see there was mini pigs in a blanket, 7 layer dip (that was more like 14 layer dip…I kid you not), chips and queso, salami, pepperoni and cheese plate. I think I need a gastric bypass now.

-Have you gotten the point that I was a total fat ass this week?

-Ok, so I can stop with the bullet points now? Great.

My, my. That infallible amount of restraint and dedication I showed this weekend is downright inspiring, nay?

I don’t think it takes a rocket scientist to know that I probably didn’t do so great on the weight-loss front this weekend. So being the sore loser that I am I simply refused to weigh myself. (Oh c’mon, I think we can all guess what it would have said.)

Moral of the story, telling yourself that the Super Bowl taking place in your city gives you the right to eat incessantly for the duration of the festivities is a grossly misguided and delusional way of thinking.

And you would think I would have learned from all of this, yet the only thing I keep thinking about is “what are we gonna do with all those leftovers?” My parents didn’t raise me to be wasteful

How did you guys do this week? Make me feel better and tell me you caved a little too? Talk me back from the ledge (and by ‘ledge’ I mean queso.)

I need an intervention.

Keepin' it Classy: 43 Strip Clubs for Super Bowl 43

If you’ll recall this post, you may remember me mentioning that I had packed up and moved away to be with the Boo. If you’re a new reader than you probably don’t know that this new (temporary) home of mine is the literal bane of my existence.

It is the Mecca for the drudges of humanity, you know, the ones you see lurking around a Wal-mart at ungodly hours (or at any time, for that matter.) This city caters to ignorance, filth, and overall big creepies (ie sexual predators, stalkers, and the like). It is a town where the people seem to think that 70 degree weather is a “cold front” and that Spanish should supplant English as our national language. It is, quite possibly, the threshold to hell.

Where is this quaint little town, you may ask?

Tampa. I live in crusty, run down, disease ridden, strip club proliferating Tampa.

And guess what? We’re hosting the Super Bowl in 3 days.

Brilliant.

Who in God’s name ever decided that THIS was a good place to attract an influx of people and mass media to showcase one of the biggest sporting events of the year? What inbred is running this committee that voted in favor of the only city in all America with more strip clubs than anyone, or likely anything, else??

Think I’m exaggerating. Check this out.

(In case your lazy and don’t like to click links [like me], TMZ did a fancy little investigation and counted all the strip clubs in Tampa and found a whopping 43 of them. The only other establishment boasting the same amount of representation in this fine city of ours? McDonalds.)

I can only imagine how impressed Diddy and the Kardashian clan will be with this sprawling expanse of excrement we call Tampa Bay.

And despite all of the emblematic proof that this city would really not be missed if it dropped to the bottom of the Gulf, you’d be surprised how many people still act completely flabbergasted and oblivious when I tell them I can’t wait to get the hell out of here.

“But, but you just moved here. You can’t leave yet!!”

And to that I answer, love can make you do crazy things. But it doesn’t mean you can’t fix them when the lease is up.

The List

I’ve had this sitting in my ‘drafts’ for a few days now. But we all know I’m not that patient.

Sorry, in advance, if this is a boring post for anyone else (and if so, just leave now and I’ll see you tomorrow for our regularly scheduled debauchery). However, I happen to be super stoked about the idea, the list, the challenge, etc and I wanted to share it all with you, my wonderful bloggy friends.

So without further adieu, I give you…

101 in 1001
Begin January 28, 2009
End October 25, 2011

Completed
In Progress

FOR MY HEALTH:
001. Lose 10 pounds
002. Take a daily multivitamin
003. Workout 30 minutes a day at least 5 days a week
004. Start moisturizing daily
005. Continue drinking 8 8oz glasses of water daily
006. Change my contacts once a month
007. Visit the Farmer’s Market or health food store once a month for a year (0/12)
008. Run a 5k
009. Quit smoking (for good)
010. Whiten teeth
011. Take a self-defense class
012. Find a family doctor
013. Find a dentist

FOR MY COMMUNITY:
014. Begin recycling
015. Volunteer for 50 hours (0/50)
016. Do a giveaway on my blog
017. Donate to 5 charities (0/5)
018. Buy a homeless person a meal
019. Compliment 20 people for no reason (0/20)
020. Adopt a cat
021. Use “green friendly” bags at the grocery store
022. Discover 20 new blogs (0/20)

FOR MY LOVE/FAMILY:
023. Buy and beat 10 PS3 games with the Boo (0/10)
024. Get a couple’s massage
025. See one new movie in the theater every month for a year (0/12)
026. Start a weekly game night
027. Go to a theme park
028. Have a couple’s self-portrait made
029. Tell someone I love them when I’m mad at them
030. Write 20 hand written letters just because (0/20)
031. Send flowers to 2 people just because (0/2)
032. Surprise the Boo 10 times (0/10)
033. Have date night once a month for a year (1/12) landry's
034. Go to brunch 10 times (0/10)
035. Go to a drive in movie
036. Go camping
037. Go to 10 NFL games (0/10)
038. Try a fondue restaurant
039. Bake birthday cakes for the dogs
040. Spend a whole day in bed with the Boo
041. Visit a bed and breakfast
042. Introduce the Boo to grandparents
043. Organize a 5-course dinner party for 8 people

BECAUSE I HAVE TO:
044. Buy a pair of Manolo Blahniks
045. Get a third and fourth tattoo (0/2)
046. Buy a custom blog design
047. Buy a new comforter for the bed
048. Buy an iPhone
049. Learn how to shoot a gun
050. Sing at karaoke
051. Wash car once a month for 6 months (0/6)
052. Buy a new (to me) car
053. Transfer 5 dance videos on to DVDs (0/5)
054. Get a current passport
055. Buy a new coat
056. Buy an original painting for the living room
057. Redecorate the bathroom

FOR MY MIND/SANITY:
058. Join a book club
059. Read 100 books (0/100)
060. Apply to grad school
061. Keep a current blog
062. Start a small flower garden
063. Get something published
064. Learn Italian
065. Go to a museum
066. Go to a zoo
067. Take 3 spontaneous road trips (0/3)
068. Go one week without saying anything negative (0/7)
069. Keep a dream diary for one month (0/30)
070. Learn to knit
071. Knit 10 things (0/10)
072. Write in a coffee shop 10 times (0/10)
073. Begin a novel (write at least 50 pages) (0/50)

FOR MY WALLET:
074. Pay off both credit cards (0/2)
075. Get a job with benefits
076. Save $5,000
077. Sell 10 things on ebay (0/10)

FOR MY SOUL:
078. Get a pedicure
079. Take a gourmet cooking class
080. Go wine tasting
081. Go to Italy
082. Finish a scrapbook
083. Watch AFI’s Top 100 greatest movies of all time (0/100)
084. Take a bubble bath once a month for a year (0/12)
085. Go fishing
086. Make 10 new friends (0/10)
087. Take a ballroom dance class
088. Print 100 pictures and make a photo album (0/100)
089. Go to 5 ballets (0/5)
090. Watch the sun rise 10 times (0/10)
091. Have a girls’ night once a month for a year (0/12)
092. Bake one thing a month for a year (0/12)
093. Go to 5 concerts (0/5)
094. Try 10 new random restaurants (0/10)
095. Dance in the rain
096. Hike to the top of a mountain
097. Discover 5 new bands/artists (0/5)
098. Take a picture everyday for a month (0/30)
099. See a Broadway show
100. Try 20 new recipes (0/20)
101. Laugh so hard I cry 5 times (1/5)

Bittersweet is Never Quite as Good as Semisweet

So tomorrow is a bittersweet day.

Sweet because I get to see my family who I haven’t seen in a long time.

Bitter because I’m leaving the Boo behind.

Sweet because it will finally be Christmas Eve and then Christmas day.

Bitter because the Boo won’t be there to share any of it.

I know I shouldn’t complain. I will see him shortly after and I’m sure my family will keep me more than occupied but still, I won’t feel complete with him gone. Cheesy, I know. But true.

So today the Boo and I did our own little Christmas. We sat under the tree and took pictures of each other with bows on our head and wrapping paper tents over the dogs. We laughed and cried and hugged and kissed and love poured through it all.

I won’t ruin the surprise now and tell you what he gave me. (I’d rather leave you in suspense for a few days longer.)

All I’ll say for now is that I have found one amazing man. His love is endless, his passion is infectious, and his selflessness is inspirational. I have been blessed with so much already and on top of it all, he comes bearing gifts. What could be better than that??

Now it’s time to clean up the remnants of our first Christmas, pack up my things and prepare for my long (4 hour) journey alone. I know it won’t be so bad. I have a loving family waiting for me when I get there and an amazing man following me two days later.

Just pray I don’t pull a teen movie inspired sob fest on the first few minutes on the road and wreck my car. That would SO be my luck.

**Also, I am pleased to inform you all that yours truly has achieved ultimate greatness in the form of a fantasy football league championship. That’s right. I defeated 12 men (including the Boo) and 1 girl through 16 weeks of rigorous competition to make it to the Super Bowl and WIN. As mentioned earlier, the three contenders I faced in the playoffs and the Super Bowl were the only three I lost to in regular season. And in a classic case of Karmic Retribution, I rose from the ashes to enact revenge on all three and reign victorious. I’d like to thank Baby Jesus and Phillip Rivers for carrying me through and aiding me in my quest for total domination. And now, behold my greatest life achievement (well, sort of). I give to you, the 2008 Tropical Bowl Fantasy Football League Champion…..ME!!! Oh yea, and the Boo got third. (Yay, Boo. But you’ll never be as good as me!! Kiss kiss. Love ya.)

Arbitrariness...Did I Spell That Right?

A few things….

1. I am dreading Christmas. I have no money and my creativity seems to be zapped. I can’t seem to come up with anything to give anyone (and moreover, no money with which to get them anything.) SO obviously I am beyond stressed. I know it’s not about the money but the thought that counts, blah, blah. But I seriously have nothing, NOTHING to give. My family and the Boo deserve so much more than some lame ass homemade mixed cd or another “heartfelt” poem but the money is not there to spend. Actually, there’s literally no money there. So here in lies my problem. For the family and the boyfriend who deserve the world, how do I give them something to show my gratitude and love without being completely lame or uninventive and spending hardly any money?? I know it’s probably a shot in hell but any ideas would help.

2. By some miracle I managed to kick some serious ass all season long and finagle my way through my first playoff game in my fantasy football league. No really, look.

I’m the only girl left and I’m headed to the semi-finals. Where I have to go head to head against….the Boo. Yea, the tension in the house this week is palpable. Jokes. But really, I wanna kick his ass. He was one of my only 3 losses all year in my quest for total domination and I feel it’s only fair that I return the favor. Dontcha think?

3. Check this link. It made me laugh and you know you’re curious.

Hint: It involves Guidos and spray tans. Yea, you’re gonna look.

A Few Things

1. Mimosas – My, those are some tricky little cocktails aren’t they? They present themselves as an innocent little breakfast drink to sip at brunch. Perfectly harmless in their yummy deliciousness. One or two, completely appropriate. 14,
however, may be what you call “excessive”. (Not to mention completely capable of inducing a mid day drunken stupor.) The Boo and I were blindsided by those little devils this afternoon while watching our Jags finally win an effing game (albeit against the winless Lions but beggars can’t be choosers. I’ll take it.) Needless to say, our elation for the much anticipated win and the deceiving nature of the champagne goodness resulted in an early crash (read: drunken nap) and now I’m quickly realizing that you all must think I’m a raging alcoholic in need of some 12 step program. I guarantee you I am not. But I’m well on my way.

2. Alabama – is going to the SEC Championship game. My team dominates. What more is there to say? (Except, quite possibly, ROLL TIDE!)

3. New Moon – I can’t pay any of my bills but yet I’m still contemplating using any future monies I may receive to buy New Moon. That seems logical right? I’m obsessed. Give me a break. (And if you can’t do that then you clearly haven’t read Twilight. And in that case, I judge you negatively while snubbing my nose at you. And I'm justified in doing so.)

4. Tattoos – It’s been awhile since I’ve gotten one and I’ve always wanted more (ie. My whole back, other foot, one rib cage and one full sleeve.) But the problem is I’ve never been able to justify spending the money on them and especially as money got tighter and bills began accumulating it all just kind of got put to the back burner. Long story short: the Boo has offered to buy me part of my sleeve as my Christmas present. Although this would be great I’m still 1) not sure what I could definitively decide on as far as an overall theme for my arm and 2) the way my “career” (or lack of) is going I’m not sure if I really will be able to land my dream job of writing from home and instead be forced to be “business professional” approved. So clearly I’m torn. Any thoughts?

5. The Boo – is clearly still drunk. And singing. And constantly interrupting my train of thought. (It’s a miracle I even got this far. And if it’s incoherent, blame him.) I love him but this “Can’t buy me love” song that he keeps singing (and I’m pretty sure he made up) is starting to get really irritating. Damn those mimosas.

EDIT: I stand corrected. (And slightly embarassed considering not only do I know this song but I even have it on my iPod.) I blame the less than perfect pitch and tempo used by the Boo in his remix of said song. For those of you that are wondering what I've had to listen to for the last 45 minutes...

Roll Tide Roll

So I know I totally suck but I'm a bit inebriated (being as it IS Saturday, after all. AKA College football day. And being as Alabama just totally whooped some LSU ass!! SEC Championship here we come!!!)

Long story short I'm doing a cop out post. Just stopped home for a second to change clothes (and post something so I don't fail at NaBloPoMo) before going out again.

Sorry for sucking at life. Better post tomorrow. Promise.

Is It Possible for a NFL Team to Drive You to Suicidal Tendencies?

So my team (Jags) sucked today (and suck in general this season) and that may or may not explain why I'm so fucked up right now.

(Which may also explain why I'm already resorting to an insignificant and obligatory post on just my second day of NaBloPoMo. Yea, whatever. Go screw yourself.)

Last night found me sleeping in my car...and then later the couch at approximately 4:00 am. Yea, I live the life of a rockstar. And by rockstar I mean Amy Whinehouse. And by Amy Whinehouse I mean a straight hot mess of impending alcoholism.

Better post (with explanations of what exactly found me curled up in the fetal position in my own car) tomorrow.

Happy Sunday Funday, ya'll.

Never a dull moment

So it’s finally Friday (thank GOD!!) and I figured I was way overdue for a little blogging. There’s been a lot going on (which I know is so cliché. Everyone says it and nine times out of ten their “a lot going on” is completely comprised of reality shows, grocery shopping and laundry. Now that’s not to say I’m not a fan of the reality tv because God knows that’s not the case but still…you get the point.)

But really…I got my license back last Friday as I mentioned in my last post. Saturday me and the Boo were accompanied by his bff (he hates when I call him that) O-face down to Jacksonville. We chugged Sparks like a bunch of 10th graders the whole way up and met up with my family appropriately tipsy and ready for anything (and trust me, when dealing with my family you really must be ready for ANYTHING. And tipsy).

Little sis (not to be confused with Baby sis) was in town from Chicago so that was great to see her. We all hung out at the house for awhile and then went to watch the Bama Bos (as affectionately referred to by the Boo and his “hilarious” brother) STOMP the ever-living shit out of Georgia. It was great. Although I must say it’s hard to pull against the Bulldogs as they’re my second favorite team…but obviously I can’t go against my Crimson Tide.

While we were at the sports bar watching the game my favorite Sisturkey met up with us and that was A-MAY-ZING!! Love her (even though she was cheering against my boys!)

The next day found us at the Jags game in the blazing heat which I absolutely despise! (It’s f-ing October. Why is it still 87 degrees out? But whatever.) Our team prevailed once again…in overtime. It was panic attack inducing and wonderful. Gotta love football.

So after the game is when the real fun began. It was finally time for me to drive…from Jacksonville to Tampa. Yea, not so fun. Me and the Boo promptly got into our first of several fights that littered the grueling ride home. Him being thoroughly inebriated and me being anxiously paranoid we decided to rely on the GPS to get us home safe and sound.

BIG MISTAKE.

Within minutes we were completely lost (mind you this is in a city that the two of us have lived in a combined 20 years. You would think we would know our way around a bit. WRONG!) So of course, the constant “TURN RIGHT”….”TURN RIGHT” instructions got old real fast and inevitably resulted in my childish and abrupt brake in the middle of the street, him yelling, me crying, and O-face in the car behind us wondering why the hell we were stopped in the middle of the road.

It was a production.

(Oh and if you haven’t noticed by now…the Boo and I have a very passionate relationship. We love each other dearly and would do anything for each other but sometimes that intensity translates into some pretty heated arguments…usually over nothing of any real substantiality. But whatever. We both know where to draw the line so no one gets their feelings hurt and bottom line is…no one’s going anywhere. We’re in it for the long haul. So GPS fights are bound to happen.)

Meanwhile, 1 truck stop, 2 Mich Ultra mini bottles (consumed by him, not I. I’ve learned my lesson and reformed my ways), 3 mini-panic attacks and 4 hours later, we arrived in Tampa unscathed. It was a near miracle because God knows I was more than terrified driving back in the pitch black dark down an interstate I had never traveled going 80 mph after not having driven for almost a year.

You could say it was an experience.

But we’re back and alive and on to another exciting weekend. I think tomorrow we’ll be heading out to the park for our run and then of course, endless hours of football.

Stay tuned kids. It doesn’t get more exciting than this.

I trick. ;)