If the Boo Wins Top Chef I'm Claiming My Portion of His Reward for Forcing Him Into It

Sometimes I wonder if my inner fat girl pheromones attracted the Boo to me. I mean somewhere up there God had to be thinking “This girl can put the food AWAY. I should probably set her up with a sufficient enabler.”

Er…I mean chef.

You see, I’ve mentioned before that my man can cook however, I don’t think many of you grasp the gravity of that statement. HE. CAN . COOK. (On his own. Without a recipe, measuring cup or assistance in sight. Without making a mess in the kitchen. Ok that’s a lie. He makes a HUGE mess. But it’s always worth it.)

As a sous chef in his previous job the Boo created some amazing nightly specials for an upscale Italian restaurant in our hometown. Since we’re moving and uncovering treasure troves of old shit we recently found an old notebook containing pages and pages of some of his creations during his tenure. In an effort to consolidate trash and rid ourselves of unnecessary luggage, he asked me to transpose the contents of his portfolio into a Word document so we could keep them and toss the notebook.

Now, like I’ve said, I always knew the guy could cook, but I’ll be damned if I wasn’t a bit surprised and impressed with some of the dishes I found myself sifting through.

Here’s just a sample of some of his dishes so you can get a feel for what I’m working with…

- Sesame crusted Ahi tuna with tomato coulis and avocado sauce

- Lobster strudel with boursin and shitake finished with a boursin cream sauce

- Rosemary skewered salmon with wild mushroom and mixed green salad tossed in a citrus vinaigrette (skewered on fresh rosemary stems)

- Pineapple-sake glazed oysters accompanied by ginger sautéed vegetables and sticky rice

- Champagne poached oysters accompanied by baby artichoke and smoked bacon salad topped with Tobiko caviar

- Sundried tomato crusted scallops served with a warm wild mushroom and arugula salad topped with crumbled goat cheese

- Oriental duck salad tossed with spring mix, mandarin oranges, and snow peas in a honey-ginger vinaigrette topped with crispy wontons

- Pan roasted sea scallops served over seared foie gras drizzled with a cranberry-balsamic reduction

- Crab stuffed flounder roulade with sticky rice and a mango burre blanc

- Pecan crusted rack of lamb, wild mushroom sauté with truffled sweet potatoes finished with a red wine-bourbon reduction

- Pecan crusted grouper accompanied by cinnamon raisin rice pilaf finished with a lemon-thyme burre blanc

- Grilled halibut accompanied by pecan couscous, vanilla glazed white asparagus finished in a chardonnay butter sauce

- Curried coconut crusted Mahi Mahi accompanied by Basmati rice cakes drizzled with a cucumber yogurt sauce

- Herb-crusted pork loin accompanied by garlic mashed potatoes and parmesan roasted fennel finished with a rosemary-mustard sauce

See what I mean?? He’s like my very own Tom Collichio.

And if that’s not enough to make me wanna nail the guy (down) then I don’t know what is.

On Some Random Nonsense

1. As of late (yesterday) I’ve taken to calling the Boo by his middle name. Payne. Yes, that’s right. As in P-A-I-N. If that’s not the coolest f*ckin name on the planet then I don’t know what is. I have daydreams of how magnificently that middle name could come in handy when faced with an enemy. “I’m about to bring the PAIN on your ass. Cause that’s my middle name, son!” Not that he’d ever be that lame to use such a line. But in my revisions of future said story he most certainly will.

2. Totes ma-gotes has got to be the most awesome phrase ever invented. It just sounds kick ass. I laid awake in bed last night just saying “Totally…totes ma-gotes” over and over in my head and getting a little chuckle every time. Oh, Paul Rudd how I love thee. (And for the record, no I have not seen I Love You, Man despite the raving reviews I’ve read it received. Nay, I’ll just wait a few months years till it hits DVD and goes to Blockbuster and eventually makes its way off the “New Releases” perimeter and into the gaping abyss of a cluster f*ck that comprises the middle aisles of movies everyone’s already seen or hates. I call it frugality. And no, I’m not Jewish.)

3. Have you seen this?? I think you should. (Click the link you stubborn bastard. Do it. Quit being so GD lazy!!) If you try and tell me that’s not the funniest thing ever I will slaughter your first born. That’s a fact. (And I know I posted about it back in October or so but let’s be honest, I had no readers then so guess what, it’s happening again.)

4. Danny Gokey sings like baby Jesus. Sweet, six-pound 10 ounce baby Jesus. And it is BRILLIANT. I don’t care what you say about him I am SOLD. That sweet, widowed church boy has got some mother-f*cking pipes, yo. (And look, enough with the Adam obsession, ladies. I mean, I get it. He sounds like Freddy Mercury. You could probably share the same skinny jeans and eyeliner. But please, the man is clearly gay and any delusions to the contrary are just that…delusional. Not that there’s anything wrong with being gay, not in the least. All I’m saying is spending your days pining away for Mr. Lambert to make sweet love to you whilst serenading you with a sitar infused lullaby and simultaneously fathering your children is a far-fetched fantasy that’s never going to happen. So give it up.) But back to Danny. You wanna know what the best part about this kid is? “Gokes” (as I so lovingly refer to him) kinda rhymes with “Totes ma-gotes” and that is the crazy link that set this blog train o thought a chuggin.

Genius.

On Who I am at the Moment

So it's my 100th post (yippee) and I figured I'd commemorate the day by recognizing exactly what/who I am right now.

(Inspiration for this post here)

I am…

…a very happy girl now that Idol is about to kick into full gear. Enough with the so-so singers and the crazy laughing girl who are only on the show for ratings, I’m ready to hear the real talent awkwardly trudge their way through J. Lo songs and musical numbers. I want the big stage, the increased dosage of Paula’s crack rock and Vicodin combo that produce even more asinine commentary and I want it now. (P.S. I’m a Gokey girl all the way. The boy has some pipes and I can’t help but tear up just a little when I hear him talk about his wife. Sad face. What about you?)

…anxiously anticipating our big move up North. 57 days and counting. Does it make me sound like a nerd if I admit that I can’t wait to start collecting boxes and buying packing tape just so it will all seem more real? Cause I’m totally stoked over it.

…extremely sleep-deprived and irritated. The combination of excessively boisterous neighbors and their addition of a new surround sound with bass that they blast at all hours AND the return of the fleas have left me very restless and itchy the last few nights. Laid down at 10:30 last night to finish Nip/Tuck (so predictable by the way) and after turning the TV off at midnight proceeded to lie awake in the dark until after 3AM. Do you have any idea what kind of panic attack that can cause? Cause I’m fully aware of it. Time to step up the heavy sedation.

…learning how to knit!! I bought myself a teach-yourself-how-to-knit kit yesterday and even though the instructions are circa 1982 and completely useless, at least I have the needles and yarn and stuff now. However, I have found Youtube videos to be pretty useful. If you know of any great sites or videos I should check out feel free to send them my way. I could use all the help I can get.

…researching charities to give my first donation to and really really excited about the prospects. Thinking about World Vision but I’m not sure yet. Any suggestions?

…really slacking on the exercise thing right now. I don’t know what it is, really but I’m thinking maybe a combination of stress, anxiety, and exhaustion. No matter what I say to psyche myself up for it I just can’t seem to get there. I guess it’s just a phase and hopefully it’ll pass but hey, at least I’ve managed to maintain my weight and keep off those 14 pounds I lost already. (For now.)

…so proud of my man. He got his acceptance letter to the school he wants to attend in Charlotte today!!! I knew he could do it. He’s brilliant.

…very happy with my life right now. Although (as mentioned above) it could always be better, I feel like I’m finally taking steps to get things where I want them to be. And, for right now, that’s good enough.

What are you at the moment?